She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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