Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
