I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
