my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
