i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
