omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
