where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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