there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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