Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
