Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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