my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
