i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
