Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
