I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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