i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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