and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
