i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
