I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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