***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
