Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
