Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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