So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you would pick up someone in the library
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
