Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
