That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
