Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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