chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
