We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
