it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have feelings that need drinking.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
