I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
