This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
