Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
