i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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