you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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