so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
