I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He did a backflip because drugs
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
