Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
