Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
