I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
