tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
