I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
