I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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