You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
