just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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