This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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