y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
