I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
