I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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