I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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