i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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