I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
