tell your sister to shave her snatch
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
