I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
