I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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