If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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