she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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